Family Characteristics

On the first day of class we were asked the question, "What characteristics are necessary for a group of individuals to be considered a family?" I went out of town this past weekend with my family. My aunts, uncles and cousins all reunited in the moutains for our annual ski trip. A few days into the trip I had asked my little cousin, Colten, where his mother was. He responded with "She's technically not my mom but she's up in the lodge." To my suprise I had never approached his situtation until that very moment. Colten's dad has been dating my older cousin, Erin, for years. They will most likely never marry. They have a child, Jace, between them. Erin also has another son, Tyler from an earlier time. So there is a total of 3 boys. They are a great family of 5. Technically, Erin is not Colten's mother but Colten's real mother is not consistantly active in his life. Throughout the rest of the trip I happened to pick up on a few more intriging comments that triggered me to question what is family?

My uncle said he was going to buy all the grandchildren ice-cream one night. Colten sat down when all the other children ordered their treats. My uncle asked Colten why he wasn't choosing what he wanted and he responded with, "Technically, I'm not your grandchild." Colten is only in 5th grade and it's hard to see a kid that young feel excluded the way he did when the entire family accepts him as one of our own and has never given him the impression that he is any less then any other family member. My uncle strictly said, "Colten. You are my grandchild."

Do children believe they have to be blood to feel accepted? I have a half brother and I have always looked at him as a "full" brother. I spent my entire life with him and when I think about how we have different dads it becomes an awkward thought because I never approached our situation like that. Colten has been around almost his whole life. No family member looks at him differently but he tends to looks at us in a interesting way. Is it my cousin, Erin, who makes him feel unaccepted since the other two boys in the family are hers by blood? On certain weekends, when Colten is with his real mother is she filling his head with nonsense about having another mother-figure in his life? Or is it the things he learns in school that maybe don't compare to his lifestyle at home?

With out last weeks lecture I wouldn't have been able to catch on to the comments that Colten had made. I have always looked at him as my little cousin. Blood doesn't consulate a family in my opinion. I look for the care, support and intimate bond when I decide what family is. But for some, it must take a little more.